Several years ago, my dad made rude comments about my increase in weight in front of the entire family at Christmas dinner. I sat in the bathroom crying and refused to eat. Then, spent the rest of the party (and the next several years honestly) avoiding him like the plague.
If anyone else had said that to me, I wouldn’t have had as big of a reaction as I did, but it was my father. The one who is supposed to protect, be wise, & patient. Not belittle, break down, or hurt.
Sometimes, counseling includes some work with parental figures. We have to grieve the loss of the ideal parent because they’re just as human as we are and often cut us more deeply than they realize. The next part is where we learn to grow. As adults, we get to choose if we want to carry their beliefs about who we are as our own self-beliefs.
I could choose to focus on the extra 10 pounds I had gained, or I could realize MY reality. I had gained that weight because I was no longer in a relationship that caused me such intense anxiety that I couldn’t eat for days. I finally felt safe. The weight was me being where I should be- healthy. So, my holiday advice is this: eat the dang pumpkin pie and feel peace while you do it because you are who you say you are. Others can only dictate your self-perception if you allow them to. Love yourself!